Ownership: Part 2 – Acceptance: Authentic Living Exercises to Overcome What’s Holding You Back
Respect • Ownership • Connection • Kindness
By Lee Havenga | July 3, 2025
Authentic living exercises can help you define your values, but they’re also tools for working with what gets in the way of living those values. In Step 1 of this series, you explored your life landscape, clarified what matters most to you, and rated how closely your actions reflect your values. Now it’s time to turn inward with curiosity and compassion.
In the ROCK thru framework, Ownership means taking responsibility without self-criticism. Step 2 is all about Acceptance—the kind that helps you recognize the thoughts, feelings, fears, and outside forces that might be holding you back. It’s not about pushing past barriers or fixing everything right away. It’s about creating space to see your obstacles clearly and kindly, so you can start to move through them.
Think of it like turning on a light. Once you see what’s really there, it’s easier to find your way.
APPLY IT IN 10 MINUTES
Technique: Values Compass – Step 2: Acceptance
This part of the authentic living exercise builds on the work you did in Step 1. Using the same downloadable worksheet you’ll identify what’s keeping you from living your values in the areas that matter most.
Grab your ROCK thru Values Compass worksheet and follow along. If you haven’t done Step 1 yet, start there—it sets the foundation for this practice.
1. Review Your Values Landscape
Look over your worksheet input from Step 1. Which categories had a high importance score but a low alignment score? These gaps reveal where your values are clear, but your actions haven’t quite caught up yet. Choose one life area where this disconnect feels most meaningful to you.
2. Spot the Barriers
For the selected value category, ask:
- What emotions show up when I think about this mismatch?
- What inner experiences—like thoughts, self-doubt, or fear—get in the way?
- What outer challenges—like time, obligations, or relationships—make it hard to act on this value?
Write down at least one internal and one external barrier per area. You’re not solving them yet—just spotting them. The goal here is awareness only, no judgment of any kind about the barrier.
Example – Work
- Importance: 8 | Alignment: 3
- Value Statement: “I want to be a thoughtful leader who encourages creativity.”
- Barriers: “Fear of being judged keeps me from speaking up in meetings. My current work load stretches me too thin to focus on leading creatively.”
3. Accept, Don’t Analyze
This step isn’t about figuring out what’s “wrong with you.” It’s about meeting yourself where you are. Once you’ve listed your barriers, take a breath and say to yourself:
“I acknowledge these barriers without needing to resist or fix them.”
This mindset helps you develop psychological flexibility, a core concept in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT). When we stop resisting our internal blocks, we often discover they lose some of their grip.
Now that you’ve built awareness and compassion around your barriers, you’re ready to take a step forward. In the final part of this series, covered in the next article, you’ll create a SMART goal rooted in your values—something small, doable, and meaningful. Real change starts with just one aligned step.
DEEPEN THE IMPACT
Jot down one brief reflection that shows compassion for your struggle with the barrier. You’re not making excuses—you’re recognizing the challenge. Something like:
• “No wonder this is hard—I’ve been trying to protect myself from criticism.”
• “It makes sense I’m stuck here. I’m overwhelmed and just trying to keep up.”
• “I see the barrier, and I’m still committed to what matters.”
This step might seem small, but it’s powerful. Self-compassion lays the emotional groundwork for change—and it makes action feel doable instead of punishing.
MORE RESOURCES
- Book: The Happiness Trap. A practical guide to ACT-based living and values work. – Dr. Russ Harris
- Audio: 4-minute Self-Compassion Acceptance Practice by Dr. Kristin Neff
- Article: “How the Practice of Acceptance Can Help You Get Unstuck.” from Psychology Today
Technique Science Sources:
Hayes, Steven C., et al. Acceptance and Commitment Therapy: An Experiential Approach to Behavior Change. Guilford Press, 1999.
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